Are Single Women Discriminated Against At Work?
Your coworker with a 3-year-old leaves at 5:30 every evening, while
you stay until 7:30 (at least). You're asked to take a weekend shift or
field Saturday conference calls because everyone else on your team has
kids they need to spend time with. When an issue needs to be troubleshot
after six, you are somehow always the only one available, and it's made
clear that your date plans are not a priority.
If this sounds like you, you may be the victim of what a recent Marie Claire article calls "the newest form of workplace discrimination: single women who carry an undue burden at the office, batting cleanup for their married-with-kids coworkers."
The way writer Ayana Byrd describes the phenomenon, as employers have gotten used to working parents leaving at a reasonable hour and not working weekends, they've also gotten used to single staffers, particularly single women, picking up the work that employees with kids won't get to. The result for those single women is no personal life, which limits both their overall well-being and their ability to meet a prospective spouse and have children of their own.
Even if single men face the same dilemma -- the article, titled "The Single Girl's Second Shift," doesn't really go into that -- it's easy to see how single women are especially vulnerable to it. The most popular job for American women as of 2010 is still secretary/administrative assistant, which has been a top ten job for women for the last 50 years. We're historically conditioned to think of female workers as those who support other workers. At the same time, women have just been told resoundingly to "lean in" to their careers -- to be as ambitious as they can, which can very easily translate into saying yes to whatever project is handed to them.
Byrd's piece bears a few overarching messages. One is that employers need to remedy the blatantly unfair practice of assigning some employees more work and longer hours based on their marital status and whether they have kids. Another is that this "second shift" -- an allusion to the title of Arlie Hochschild's watershed 1989 book on how working mothers also do the majority of domestic chores in their households -- is indicative of a workplace culture that no longer believes anyone deserves relaxation or fun for their own sakes. As Kat Stoeffel at The Cut pointed out, the women courageous enough to go on the record in Byrd's article as wanting to work less all said they want time off for self-improvement. The third and pretty explicit message is that women need to say no to the extra work, and while this last directive sounds empowering, parts of it are problematic.
For one thing, saying no to what you're assigned simply isn't possible in some cases, especially in a fragile economy with high unemployment. Some of the recommended strategies for saying no may not be practical either. Sylvia Ann Hewlett, founder of the Center for Talent Innovation, formerly the Center for Work-Life Policy, suggested seeking out a childless senior woman to advise you on how broach the issue with your boss. But what if there is no such person, or what if she never felt like she was in a position to push back, either?
Another issue is the way career consultant Liz Ryan described the second shift to Byrd, as though it's somehow women's fault. "No one respects the people who are slaves to the job," she told Byrd. But when you push back, "Be prepared to show that your work won't suffer," the article advises. Stoeffel at The Cut added that if you don't push back and work longer hours without being paid more, "You're a sucker."
Did you get all of that? Ask not to work as much and make sure you're not seen as someone who works all the time, but produce the same quality and/or amount of work. So the message to stand up for yourself gets transformed into, "Get the same amount done in less time, because no one likes someone who looks like she's trying too hard." That sounds a lot like yet another manifestation of the cultural allergy to female strivers that has affected women across fields, from Anne Hathaway to Kirsten Gillibrand. Why can't we strike a balance wherein it's acceptable for women to be visibly ambitious and hardworking and for both women and men to admit that everyone deserves time to watch Bravo and drink margaritas outside?
We do need increased awareness of unfair demands put on single women at work, and it may be that change will only come when women speak up for themselves and "train" their bosses and coworkers to know that they are not available 24/7. But we also need to be careful not to line the prescription "do less work" with the message to just make it look like you're doing less, which could mean hidden hours working at home and less sleep, and would only make employers think the women they're overloading can take on more.
As Mika Brzezinski pointed out on HuffPost Live at The Huffington Post's Third Metric conference, the last thing women need to hear one more time is, "Make it look easy."
If this sounds like you, you may be the victim of what a recent Marie Claire article calls "the newest form of workplace discrimination: single women who carry an undue burden at the office, batting cleanup for their married-with-kids coworkers."
The way writer Ayana Byrd describes the phenomenon, as employers have gotten used to working parents leaving at a reasonable hour and not working weekends, they've also gotten used to single staffers, particularly single women, picking up the work that employees with kids won't get to. The result for those single women is no personal life, which limits both their overall well-being and their ability to meet a prospective spouse and have children of their own.
Even if single men face the same dilemma -- the article, titled "The Single Girl's Second Shift," doesn't really go into that -- it's easy to see how single women are especially vulnerable to it. The most popular job for American women as of 2010 is still secretary/administrative assistant, which has been a top ten job for women for the last 50 years. We're historically conditioned to think of female workers as those who support other workers. At the same time, women have just been told resoundingly to "lean in" to their careers -- to be as ambitious as they can, which can very easily translate into saying yes to whatever project is handed to them.
Byrd's piece bears a few overarching messages. One is that employers need to remedy the blatantly unfair practice of assigning some employees more work and longer hours based on their marital status and whether they have kids. Another is that this "second shift" -- an allusion to the title of Arlie Hochschild's watershed 1989 book on how working mothers also do the majority of domestic chores in their households -- is indicative of a workplace culture that no longer believes anyone deserves relaxation or fun for their own sakes. As Kat Stoeffel at The Cut pointed out, the women courageous enough to go on the record in Byrd's article as wanting to work less all said they want time off for self-improvement. The third and pretty explicit message is that women need to say no to the extra work, and while this last directive sounds empowering, parts of it are problematic.
For one thing, saying no to what you're assigned simply isn't possible in some cases, especially in a fragile economy with high unemployment. Some of the recommended strategies for saying no may not be practical either. Sylvia Ann Hewlett, founder of the Center for Talent Innovation, formerly the Center for Work-Life Policy, suggested seeking out a childless senior woman to advise you on how broach the issue with your boss. But what if there is no such person, or what if she never felt like she was in a position to push back, either?
Another issue is the way career consultant Liz Ryan described the second shift to Byrd, as though it's somehow women's fault. "No one respects the people who are slaves to the job," she told Byrd. But when you push back, "Be prepared to show that your work won't suffer," the article advises. Stoeffel at The Cut added that if you don't push back and work longer hours without being paid more, "You're a sucker."
Did you get all of that? Ask not to work as much and make sure you're not seen as someone who works all the time, but produce the same quality and/or amount of work. So the message to stand up for yourself gets transformed into, "Get the same amount done in less time, because no one likes someone who looks like she's trying too hard." That sounds a lot like yet another manifestation of the cultural allergy to female strivers that has affected women across fields, from Anne Hathaway to Kirsten Gillibrand. Why can't we strike a balance wherein it's acceptable for women to be visibly ambitious and hardworking and for both women and men to admit that everyone deserves time to watch Bravo and drink margaritas outside?
We do need increased awareness of unfair demands put on single women at work, and it may be that change will only come when women speak up for themselves and "train" their bosses and coworkers to know that they are not available 24/7. But we also need to be careful not to line the prescription "do less work" with the message to just make it look like you're doing less, which could mean hidden hours working at home and less sleep, and would only make employers think the women they're overloading can take on more.
As Mika Brzezinski pointed out on HuffPost Live at The Huffington Post's Third Metric conference, the last thing women need to hear one more time is, "Make it look easy."
Sexually Conservative Men More Likely To Be Swayed By Erotic Images, Study Suggests
Sexually conservative men are more swayed by sexual images than more
adventurous dudes, according to a new study that might help explain why
the sexually conservative, paradoxically, tend to take sexual risks.
The study suggests that men who have no intention of having casual sex nevertheless become more willing to do so after exposure to images of pretty women in bikinis. This willingness without intention may explain a lack of foresight that leads to sex without protection, the study researchers write today (June 19) in the British Journal of Health Psychology.
"Think of this as similar to young teenagers drinking," study researcher Megan Roberts, a psychologist at Brown University, said in a statement. "Most don't go out explicitly intending to get drunk, but are willing if they are offered alcohol at a party. Likewise, many adults do not intend to have casual sex, but would be willing to do so if presented with the opportunity." [50 Sultry Facts About Sex]
Studies dating back to the 1980s have found that people with conservative attitudes toward sex have less intercourse than the sexually liberal, as might be expected. But when the sexually conservative do get busy, they're more likely to take risks, such as not using protection against pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections.
A sexual mystery
This puzzle confused health researchers. To get the bottom of why people behave so strangely, Roberts and her colleagues first asked 75 college-age men if they intended to have casual sex with a stranger or acquaintance in the next six months. Twenty-eight of them (37 percent) said no.
The researchers then had the men do a word-identification task, into which the researchers had inserted subliminal images of either pretty bikini-clad women or neutral photographs, such as those showing lightening bolts. The images flashed onscreen for only 8 milliseconds, too few to register consciously.
After the subliminal image presentation, the men completed another questionnaire, this one including a vignette about going home with a woman from a party. The guys were asked how likely they were to engage in a variety of sexual acts with this near-stranger.
The study suggests that men who have no intention of having casual sex nevertheless become more willing to do so after exposure to images of pretty women in bikinis. This willingness without intention may explain a lack of foresight that leads to sex without protection, the study researchers write today (June 19) in the British Journal of Health Psychology.
"Think of this as similar to young teenagers drinking," study researcher Megan Roberts, a psychologist at Brown University, said in a statement. "Most don't go out explicitly intending to get drunk, but are willing if they are offered alcohol at a party. Likewise, many adults do not intend to have casual sex, but would be willing to do so if presented with the opportunity." [50 Sultry Facts About Sex]
Studies dating back to the 1980s have found that people with conservative attitudes toward sex have less intercourse than the sexually liberal, as might be expected. But when the sexually conservative do get busy, they're more likely to take risks, such as not using protection against pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections.
A sexual mystery
This puzzle confused health researchers. To get the bottom of why people behave so strangely, Roberts and her colleagues first asked 75 college-age men if they intended to have casual sex with a stranger or acquaintance in the next six months. Twenty-eight of them (37 percent) said no.
The researchers then had the men do a word-identification task, into which the researchers had inserted subliminal images of either pretty bikini-clad women or neutral photographs, such as those showing lightening bolts. The images flashed onscreen for only 8 milliseconds, too few to register consciously.
After the subliminal image presentation, the men completed another questionnaire, this one including a vignette about going home with a woman from a party. The guys were asked how likely they were to engage in a variety of sexual acts with this near-stranger.
Celebrity Sex Advice: Quotes From Young Female Celebrities
Here are seven pieces of our favorite sex advice from famous women age 40 and under.
1. Don't be afraid of dirty talk.
I know a lot of people have a hard time talking dirty -- they don't know what to say, how to start, or when to end it. Also, at first they will think they sound ridiculous. And they might. But let me just say that talking dirty is so important in sex. And it's pretty easy. To wit: Establish from the very beginning that you like this. And trust me, you want to do it early on. Because if you wait too long to introduce the concept, your Special Lady Friend will be a little thrown and might not take you seriously.2. Don't ever fake it in the bedroom. (And we don't just mean orgasms.)
-- Olivia Munn, 32
You have to really enjoy [being sexy]. Not fake anything. Sexy is being in the moment, whether that means being coy or coming on hard. Faking is always lame and it never comes across the way you want it to.3. Experiment, experiment, experiment.
-- Cameron Diaz, 40
Some people are more experimental in bed and others are more boring. If you are wild and crazy, bring it on so the other person is well aware that you have little devil horns that come out every once in a while. It's good to make an effort to dress up sometimes, to do things outside of the norm.4. There are no rules when it comes to who we're attracted to.
-- Heidi Klum, 40
People questioning the idea that a woman could sleep with a man who defied her lot in the looks bracket hews so closely to these really outdated ideas about what makes a woman worth spending time with. Really? Can you not imagine a world in which a girl who's sexually down for anything and oddly gregarious pulls a guy out of his shell for two days?5. Don't lie to yourself about your own desires (or lack thereof).
-- Lena Dunham, 27
You can lie to your relatives at Christmas dinner and tell them everything on the home front is just peachy. But you cannot lie to your vagina.6. Sex with your ex isn't always a bad idea.
-- Olivia Wilde, 29
I think it's a good idea when you know that you're not going to see them again or call them again. If it's ex-sex with the hopes of it not being over, you're screwed. Ex-sex is also a good idea when there's unfinished business, like maybe when it's subtly hate sex, or let-me-show-you-how-much-I've-learned-in-the-past-couple-years sex.7. Rebound sex can actually be helpful.
-- Rashida Jones, 37
I think [rebound sex] is a great idea. I think it's like the only way, if you can manage it... I've been on both sides and sometimes it's like great, that's the way out, and other times it's like a dry spell for months and months.
-- Ari Graynor, 30
The 25 Sexiest Single Female Athletes in Sports > PART 1 Numbers 25-17
Ah yes, single ladies. And not just any single ladies, but rather the hottest 25 single female athletes in sports today.
From swimming to softball to snowboarding, these athletes, like many others before them, have truly defined how us fans look at women in sports today.
These female athletes have either made a name for themselves in sports over the past few years, or are currently active in pursuing their dreams and playing the sports they love.
Oh yeah, and did I mention they are all single?
Here now are the sexiest single female athletes in sports. Enjoy.
Starting with Number 25. .. .Bridget Dwyer (Golf)
Sex And Dating
" Having sex on the first date is like reading the back page of a book before you’ve even started it."
A couple of weeks ago, my two friends invited me round to their house for Sunday lunch. Over pudding,
A couple of weeks ago, my two friends invited me round to their house for Sunday lunch. Over pudding,
10 sex tips to make you better in bed tonight
What do ladies like more than orgasms? Yes, ice cream, but, also: MULTIPLE ORGASMS. With this in mind, we asked relationship expert Issy Wharton and her sexy advice-giving friends to reveal how you could
6 Charts That Should Freak Out Every Single Young American
America has a youth unemployment problem on its hands. Millions of 20-somethings
can't find full-time work, according to the Center for American
Progress. That could have long-term consequences: a six-month period of
unemployment costs a person under 25 at least $45,000 in lost wages, the
Center noted in a report released Wednesday.
This isn't just a young-adult problem; it hurts everyone else too. Youth unemployment is poised to cost the U.S. some $18 billion over the next decade, according to an analysis last month by Bloomberg Senior Economist Joseph Bruseulas.
So how did we get here? The Great Recession dealt a particularly harsh blow to young people as unemployment rose, and employers opted for the abundance of job-seekers with more experience. As a result, nearly half of the nation's unemployed are under 34 years old, according to an April report from Demos.
Here are six charts from the Center for American Progress that will freak out any young person looking for work:
The unemployment rate for Americans 16-to-24 years old is 16.2 percent, more than double the 7.5 jobless rate for all Americans.
Millions of teens are out of work or underemployed.
This isn't just a young-adult problem; it hurts everyone else too. Youth unemployment is poised to cost the U.S. some $18 billion over the next decade, according to an analysis last month by Bloomberg Senior Economist Joseph Bruseulas.
So how did we get here? The Great Recession dealt a particularly harsh blow to young people as unemployment rose, and employers opted for the abundance of job-seekers with more experience. As a result, nearly half of the nation's unemployed are under 34 years old, according to an April report from Demos.
Here are six charts from the Center for American Progress that will freak out any young person looking for work:
The unemployment rate for Americans 16-to-24 years old is 16.2 percent, more than double the 7.5 jobless rate for all Americans.
Millions of teens are out of work or underemployed.
Top 10: Sex Tips And Tricks
Women's magazines slip us the kind of information that we wouldn't find
elsewhere; they reveal a female perspective that most men just aren't
privy to. How they read into our behavior, how they perceive our
actions, what their true expectations are... there's plenty to be
learned from a glimpse into the other side.
AskMen.com will be providing you with just this kind of gender intelligence -- without the embarrassment
AskMen.com will be providing you with just this kind of gender intelligence -- without the embarrassment
More women embracing single-mother role, U.S. poll finds
As Christy Everson was nearing age 40, she made a decision: She wanted to have a child, even though she was single and it meant doing it all alone.
Her daughter, conceived via a sperm donor, is now 21/2 years old, and Everson hopes to have a second child.
“Was it worthwhile? Well, I’m thinking of doing it again, aren’t I?” she said.
Everson and women like her are part of a shift in American society. An Associated Press-WE TV poll of people under 50 found that more than two in five unmarried women without children — or 42 per cent — would consider having a child on their own without a partner, including more than a third, or 37 per cent, who would consider adopting solo.
ON THE RISE
The poll, which addressed a broad range of issues on America’s changing family structures, dovetails with a recent report by the U.S. Census Bureau that single motherhood is on the rise: It found that of 4.1 million women who’d given birth in 2011, 36 per cent were unmarried at the time of the survey, an increase from 31 per cent in 2005. And among mothers aged 20 to 24, the percentage was 62 per cent, or six in 10 mothers.
The AP-WE poll also found that few Americans think the growing variety of family arrangements is bad for society.
QUALMS ABUNDANT
However, many have some qualms about single mothers, with nearly two-thirds — 64 per cent — saying single women having children without a partner is a bad thing for society. More men — 68 per cent — felt that way, compared to 59 per cent of women.
The survey found broad gender gaps in opinion on many issues related to how and when to have children.
One example: At a time when the can-you-have-it-all debate rages for working mothers, women were more apt than men to say having children has negatively impacted their career.
And this was true especially among mothers who waited until age 30 or older to have children. Fully 47 per cent of those mothers said having a child had a negative impact on their careers.
Of women overall, 32 per cent of mothers reported a negative effect, compared with 10 per cent of men.
‘HARD TO BE A ROCK STAR’
For Everson, who lives in a suburb of Minneapolis and now is 44, being the only parent means daily responsibilities that naturally suck up some of the time she used to spend on her career as a financial consultant.
“To be honest about it, it’s hard to be a rock star” when parenting a baby, she said.
But she sees it as more of a temporary career setback, and feels she’s already getting back on track with her toddler now over age 2. Soon, she says, “I’ll be getting back on my A-game.”
For Joyce Chen, a hospital occupational therapist in San Francisco, it’s a question of what kind of career she wants to have.
Chen, 41 and also a single mother, is happy to have work that she not only enjoys, but that she can balance easily with caring for her 10-year-old daughter.
SHE FEELS BLESSED
“I’ve been blessed,” she said. “I have a decent income. I don’t feel like I need to climb the ladder. I enjoy what I do, but I can leave it at the end of the day and not think about it.”
Chen also credits a strong community of friends from church for helping make her family work.
“That community has helped me raise my daughter,” she said. She hopes to get married one day if the right situation comes along.
But Chen feels that a single mom can do just as good a job of raising a child as two parents can.
Overall, the poll found decidedly mixed results on that question: Thirty per cent of respondents said yes, 27 per cent said no, and 43 per cent said “it depends.”
CSU's Cigui, Weikard earn All-America honors in singles and doubles
SKILLMAN, N.J. -- Columbus State University women's tennis
players Paola Cigui and Carolin Weikard have been named All-Americans in
both singles and doubles play by the Intercollegiate Tennis Association
Friday afternoon.
Cigui earns her second consecutive All-American honors as a singles and doubles player after finishing the year ranked second in the nation in singles action and fourth in doubles with Weikard.
In doubles, Cigui teamed up with Weikard to post a 22-3 record. All three losses came against top-10 opponents while the tandem also knocked off four ranked pairs.
Weikard also had a banner season for the Lady Cougars as she finished the year as the seventh ranked singles player in the nation earning All-American status.
Cigui earns her second consecutive All-American honors as a singles and doubles player after finishing the year ranked second in the nation in singles action and fourth in doubles with Weikard.
In doubles, Cigui teamed up with Weikard to post a 22-3 record. All three losses came against top-10 opponents while the tandem also knocked off four ranked pairs.
Weikard also had a banner season for the Lady Cougars as she finished the year as the seventh ranked singles player in the nation earning All-American status.
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