Women's magazines slip us the kind of information that we wouldn't find
elsewhere; they reveal a female perspective that most men just aren't
privy to. How they read into our behavior, how they perceive our
actions, what their true expectations are... there's plenty to be
learned from a glimpse into the other side.
AskMen.com will be
providing you with just this kind of gender intelligence -- without the
embarrassment
that comes with retrieving it from your girlfriend's
magazine rack. We'll be publishing a series of features from iVillage.com;
articles originally written by women for women, but with insight that's
invaluable to men. Of course, in exchange, we had to offer up some
intelligence of our own... all the more reason for you to get on the
inside track as soon as you can.
her tricks of the trade
Just because you're the man in the relationship, it doesn't mean you
have to be in control all the time. Women like to feel like they're in
charge every now and then, too -- especially in the bedroom. iVillage
has provided a list of sexual secrets every woman should know -- so sit
back and let her have her way with you.
bedroom trickery
Ever had "femoral intercourse?" Given him, ahem, the finger? Or built
orgasmic bridges? Score big points in the bedroom with inspiration from
my raunchy roundup of the all-time best sex secrets.
Number 10
Be carnally creative
This is a rather handy solution to the sleepy-female/awake-and-erect
male syndrome. Originally used as a method of birth control and to
preserve virginity, "femoral intercourse" involves him thrusting his
penis between your closed thighs instead of inside your vagina. It's a
gentle, noninvasive way to have sex and it keeps both of you satisfied.
If he places his penis near the top of your thighs so it slides in
between your vaginal lips, sleepy females can rapidly turn into wide
awake, horny females!
Number 9
Give him the finger
Inserting a finger into your partner's rectum during a hand job,
usually just before orgasm, could mean he's in for the orgasm of his
life. Some men worry that enjoying any sort of anal stimulation makes
them homosexual, which is obviously completely untrue. But because it
can be a sensitive topic, gauge his reaction by starting to play around
the rim (the outside) of his anus. If he lifts his bottom toward you or
shoots you a quizzical look, tell him you'd like to try something. Like
the clitoris, the root of the penis extends a few inches into his body.
Stimulating the perineum or anus massages that inner portion, but the
true pleasure spot lies about three inches in. This is the prostate
gland, nicknamed the male G-spot. To find it -- and map its position for
future reference -- get him to lie on his back as you (gently, and
using lots of lubrication) insert your index finger, with your hand
palm-side up, almost all the way in. Aim toward his navel, then curve
your finger in a "come here" gesture.
Number 8
Remember that position counts
Not terribly confident or proficient at giving hand jobs? All too
often, women try to deliver the goods in a position that feels
uncomfortable or unnatural. Are you left handed or right handed? Which
is your best side? Because you're allowed to move, you know! There's no
need to make a big deal about it -- simply roll over on top of him or
straddle his lap and plant a long, slow, delicious kiss, then climb off
onto the side that suits you. And don't be scared to deviate from the
usual side-by-side position. Try him standing in front of you and you
sitting on the edge of a bed or him hovering above you and straddling
your tummy as you lie on your back.
Number 7
Slap on the slippery stuff
When men do their
own five-finger salute (read: masturbate), they usually slap on some
lubrication. Why? Well, a dry penis is a sensitive one; it likes gentle
stroking, but sliding your hand up and down the shaft (the standard male
masturbation technique) when it isn't lubricated can feel uncomfortable
to him instead of erotic. Saliva is better than nothing, but clever
girls come prepared with a tube of good-quality personal lubricant.
Don't feel remotely embarrassed squeezing some into your palm -- he'll
be grateful! Avoid using too much, though, as being overly generous is
almost as bad as using none because it removes friction entirely.
Number 6
Introduce him to your vibrator
One of you holding a wand vibrator (slim, cylindrical, nonintrusive)
over the clitoral area during penetrative sex is the most effective way
to ensure a shared orgasmic experience. Why don't more people do it?
Because some don't like introducing something "mechanical" -- and lots
of men feel a tad threatened by vibrators. On occasions when his tongue,
fingers or penis won't do the trick, teach him to graciously accept
defeat and reach into the bedside table drawer to pull one out.
Number 5
Build bridges
If your goal is simultaneous orgasms, use the technique most sex
therapists recommend. The basic idea is to give you clitoral stimulation
almost right up to the point of orgasm, and then let his thrusting
trigger the final orgasmic reflex. This effectively provides a "bridge"
between clitoral stimulation and intercourse (that is, he stimulates the
clitoris right up to penetration, then his thrusting takes over as your
prime stimulation). Some studies show that up to half of women who
couldn't previously climax through penetration alone gained that ability
-- without "priming" first! -- after using this technique regularly.
Number 4
Deliberately develop orgasm triggers
The more your brain travels a certain path neurologically, the more
effortless it becomes. The act of smiling -- actually curving your lips
upward -- lets your brain know you're happy, which triggers the release
of serotonin, a hormone that makes you feel happy. The same applies to
an orgasm: The more signals of impending orgasm that your brain can
recognize, the easier it will be to trigger the orgasmic response. Focus
on the things you naturally do on approach to orgasm -- sounds you
make, how you move -- then exaggerate them.
Number 3
Stop the clock
Women constantly ask me, "How
long should it take to orgasm?" That's like asking me, "How long should a
piece of string be?" (Plus, I hate the word "should!") If you trip over
your tongue just by looking at a guy and it's the first time his hands
have gone south and you've just ripped each other's clothes off after a
night out, you might orgasm in two minutes flat. If it's your partner of
10 years and you're tired and stressed and the kids are sleeping a few
rooms away, it might take two hours. Statistics vary wildly, because
this is something that's totally dependent on circumstances. Some say it
takes an average of 20 minutes for a woman to orgasm; others say 8
minutes of direct clitoral stimulation will do the trick. I say 8 to 10
minutes of direct contact sounds about right -- but it totally depends
on the variables.
Number 2
Give instructions
His
sexual system is simple: It's like a connect-the-dots game. On the other
hand, to say that the woman's sexual system is complicated would be
like saying you only need to be pretty good at math to be a rocket
scientist! If you don't show or tell him how to touch you -- and I mean
when, where, how hard, how fast… in as much detail as possible -- you
might as well both give up right there and then. It's seriously not half
as embarrassing as you think it is. Try simply opening your mouth and
letting out a little moan to let him know you're enjoying what he's
doing. Or give a sexy one-word command, like, "Softer." Take baby steps
and you'll get there.
Number 1
Understand his motives
Men often have sex to feel wanted. Granted, it's hard to accept that
he's really after affection when he has one hand up your sweater and the
other diving down your skirt. But it's true. Sex for a man appears to
be his primal form of giving; it's one way for him to feel accepted both
physically and emotionally. Because some men still aren't as verbose or
as comfortable with expressing emotion as women are, sex tends to be
used as a means of showing his love and feeling close to you. If he
really wants to say "I love you," he may suggest sex. So basically, when
you reject sex with him, you're not just rejecting the sex. Adopt a new
philosophy: When you say no, tell him when you want to have sex
instead. And always make it clear you're just saying no to sex -- not to
a cuddle or to a cozy chat.
